Marriages are not made in Heaven

Yuvraj, is unable to understand why his marriage is failing. Ria and he have been married for 8 years. Ria is a housewife while Yuvraj works as a manager with a garment factory. They have a two children, 3 and 6 years old. Both come from a well do to family. After their second child was born, the couple decided to move in with Ria’s parents so that the could support in childcare and also the young couple would be around to look after the aging parents. Yuvraj’s parents live in a small town 6 hours away. Yuvraj approached a marriage counselor with the following concerns:

He is unhappy with his married life because he thinks Ria avoids him.
He thinks Ria insults him in front of his in-laws about his job position and his income.
He thinks Ria’s mother instigates her against him.
He wishes to move into another house but Ria is not agreeable to leaving her parents.
Yuvraj is worried that their constant conflict is affecting the children negatively.
Off late he finds Ria avoiding him sexually and this has caused him a lot of sleepless nights.
Yuvraj is afraid that Ria is having an affair.

In the first session, Yuvraj came alone for seeking help. On understanding his issues, the counselor urged him to consult Ria and check her acceptance toward seeking help together as a couple. Ria consented and the couple started seeking help together. As the sessions progressed the following issues surfaced and were managed in the counseling process –

Both Yuvraj and Ria needed to understand each other’s expectations from the marriage.
They were helped to understand their needs as a couple which could be categorized between ‘non-negotiable-needs’, ‘would be nice to have needs’ and ‘can make do without needs’.
This helped the couple to meet each other’s expectations and deepen their mutual respect.
Further the couple was encouraged to spend quality time together. The counselor helped them to find activities to do together which would help them to discover each other and value each other’s differences e.g actively participating in your partner’s hobbies.
Ria was encouraged to establish boundaries between her relationship with her immediate family-her husband and her children and her the second circle of relationship she shared with her parents.

The couple was encouraged to review their marriage in new light every few years because all relationships needs to be worked on and all relationships need continuous nourishing with renewed commitments and promising horizons.